The Netflix phenomenon "Love Is Blind" captivated audiences with its unique premise, sparking the question: Is love truly blind? The show challenges participants to form emotional connections and even commit to marriage without ever laying eyes on one another. Dating in isolated "pods," contestants have conversations with potential partners without seeing them, leading some to propose marriage solely based on these interactions.
However, the true test begins once the couples are engaged, as they navigate the complexities of cohabitation, familial introductions, and wedding planning—all stressful events even for those in long-term relationships.
But is the show genuinely exploring the concept of "blind love," or something else of a different nuance?
"Blind love" refers to an inability to recognize a partner's flaws, often due to overwhelming emotions. The Roman god Cupid, frequently depicted as blindfolded, symbolizes the idea that lovers, particularly the young and inexperienced, may overlook or dismiss the imperfections of those they love. This blindness is rooted not only in cognitive limitations but also in evaluative biases, which are crucial when choosing a romantic partner.
The Cognitive and Evaluative Dimensions
Romantic emotions are composed of cognition, evaluation, motivation, and feelings. Cognition involves gathering information about the partner, while evaluation assesses the significance of this information.
These factors together shape a person's romantic attitude, which can be measured on cognitive (objective traits) and evaluative (subjective significance) scales. A partner might possess traits that are objectively average, but a lover's evaluative scale might assign higher value to certain qualities, magnifying their positive perception.
For instance, a man might consider his wife exceptionally kind (scoring her high on the cognitive scale for kindness), while rating her as less wise or attractive. Despite this, he places great evaluative importance on kindness, overshadowing other traits, and reinforcing his love. This selective emphasis demonstrates how love is not entirely blind but influenced by cognitive and evaluative judgments.
However, there is a limit to this process. If a partner's traits fall below a certain cognitive threshold, even strong evaluative biases may not transform one's perception into love. The interplay between these scales allows lovers to enhance their affection by focusing on the qualities they deem most important, while downplaying less favorable traits.
Lovers are inclined to magnify the accomplishments and virtues of their beloved while ignoring or minimizing their weaker traits. An essential element in the evaluative scale is putting weight on a few deal makers and deal breakers that greatly matter in a potential mate.
A deep positive assessment of a few of the beloved's attributes forms the foundation of romantic love and has an advantageous effect on other traits. Therefore, lovers do not always misrepresent the truth or ignore their beloved's flaws; rather, they just do not think that they are important enough.
In fact, a little over 60% of respondents to Fisher's (2004) survey of individuals in love said they loved everything about their partner and that, despite some flaws, they weren't particularly bothered by them. Determining the relative relevance of qualitative attributes is an evaluative process that heavily relies on the individual rather than a cognitive exercise that can be true or untrue. Positive romantic ideals are, in fact, closely linked to the quality of a relationship. Examples of these are satisfaction, commitment, and the extent of love, hence, accordingly love is not really blind.
The romantic notion, according to which "love can move mountains," promotes a narrow-mindedness about both the shortcomings of the beloved and extrinsic barriers to romantic partnerships, such as distance. Positive delusions like this song: “Ain't no mountain high enough, there's no river wild enough to keep me from you" have the potential to become self-fulfilling. Yet again, we are not completely blind in this situation.
The Role of Initial Optimism
The beginning of a relationship is often marked by "rose-colored glasses," where positive biases help establish a strong connection or help create a “spark.” Studies show that while accurate perception of others can predict positive outcomes, overly critical judgments in the early stages can hinder romantic interest.
In the end, initial optimism, toned down by realism later on, can be crucial for relationship success. This approach suggests that lovers are not entirely blind, but may be temporarily short-sighted, particularly in the early stages of romance.
Therefore, a combination of evaluative and cognitive elements is the best approach to overcoming shortsightedness. One such combination is to reflect upon realism after an initial period of intuitive optimism. The first, less realistic optimism is crucial for creating a solid foundation and is needed for the subsequent, long-lasting relationships to succeed. While they may not be completely blind, lovers can be short-sighted, particularly in the early romantic phases of the relationship.
So now, returning to Netflix’s "Love Is Blind," there are several psychological concerns with the show's format:
1. Participants' Self-Worth: The show implies that participants may not be "enough" if they don't marry someone they barely know. This messaging can tie self-worth to the outcome of a rushed relationship, rather than the individual's inherent value. While participants are searching for love, they are led to believe that they’re also seeking self-worth. The show implies that if the relationship (with someone you barely know and just met a few weeks ago) does not last, you are to blame and that you are somehow "not enough." Ultimately, a person's self-worth shouldn't be dependent on whether or not they choose to marry a certain individual (especially on national television). Marriage is a celebration of two individuals, not a means of establishing your own value. The show strays from the purpose of love in this way.
2. Influence of Family and Friends: The skepticism of loved ones often forces participants to defend their decisions, potentially deepening their commitment to the relationship—not out of genuine desire, but as a reaction to external doubt. The participants in "Love Is Blind" have chosen to commit themselves to this marriage. Those in dating relationships are forced to defend their decision when friends and family express hesitation or disapproval. They become more strongly committed to their decision as a result of this phenomena. While this isn't always a terrible thing, it does make it harder for daters to come to a balanced conclusion.
3. Not Enough Time: The accelerated timeline of the show—approximately one-and-a-half months—does not allow couples to truly get to know each other or address significant life issues. For instance, before getting engaged, couples in the show have a limited amount of time together. It becomes evident throughout (especially after moving in together) that critical marital concerns like religion, parenting styles, values, financial goals, and habits have not been discussed or thoroughly considered.
This rushed process can lead to unresolved conflicts and stress, as couples are pressured to make lifelong decisions in a matter of weeks.
While falling in love could be blind, maintaining a relationship and creating a family together is not.
Conclusion
"Love Is Blind" presents a high-pressure environment where couples must quickly navigate the complexities of romance, often without sufficient time or reflection. While the show explores the idea of falling in love without physical attraction, it raises questions about whether love can truly flourish under such conditions. The reality is that love is multifaceted, involving emotional connection, shared values, and a deep understanding of one another. The show's premise may demonstrate that love can begin in the absence of sight, but staying in love and building a lasting relationship requires much more.
If you need a professional's help in navigating a romantic relationship or achieving a healthy relationship with your mate, contact JarvisHypnotherapy today.
Also, check out the previous article from JarvisHypnotherapy: WHY WE EMOTIONALLY SHUT DOWN DURING A FIGHT and HOW TO BREAK THE STONE WALL?
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